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February 9th, 2024
On Friday February 9th, family members gathered together in a
hospital room where my Dad was laying in bed nearing the time where he would
cross over to the next part of his journey.
We all had our conversations with Dad throughout the day and each of us took
turns holding his hand.
Dad had lost his voice and had a very difficult time trying to speak. If we
listened closely we could occasionally make out what he was trying to say, but
it was difficult.
That day was especially challenging for me. I knew I would soon be losing my
father. I spoke to Dad throughout the day sharing my thoughts and my feelings
with him as did everyone else in the room.
At one point during the day, I poured out my heart and soul to Dad, telling Dad
how much he meant to me and how I would be there with him until the very end. It
was deep speech, with carefully selected words to express how much he really
really meant to me.
My voice cracked and I broke out in tears several times throughout that speech.
I held his hand the entire time I was speaking and he listened intently.
When I was finished speaking, and he knew I was finished, he took a moment to
try and clear his throat the best he could and made a point to be very clear in
his response.
He didn't tell me thank you or try to console me by telling me it would all be
ok. He just said four words - "What time is it?"
My daughter Heather broke out into a little bit of laughter at that response and
I did too. I told him - "I knew you could hear me."
It wasn't too much later that Dad heard us talking in the background with the
hospice nurse about the situation and the plans we were making for the current
situation.
We weren't talking loud and Dad's hearing definitely wasn't very good, but
apparently his hearing was better than usual that day. He took another
opportunity to speak as clearly as he could and mustered out the words - "I Want
To Go Home". He said that clearly and distinctly.
Just before all of that and for the remaining time after that, Dad's voice was
mostly gone and he couldn't speak very well, but he had taken the time there to
be clear about saying those two phrases.
We gave him the time when he asked for it, but I think there might have been a
better answer for him that day.
"What time is it?" - I think the better answer might have been to say "Hey Dad,
it's time to go home."
He left us later that night. I'd like to believe that he went on his way to go
back home just like he said he wanted to.
I sure love that man and I'm going to miss him.
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